Keep Your Power

Ah, Valentines Day…

As far back as I can remember, I’ve never once had a girlfriend on Valentines Day. Maybe I’m just lucky.

Today is no exception. My roommate said to me, “So, I guess you’re going out tonight, huh?” I gave him a dumbfounded, blank stare. “…because it’s V-Day?”

“Oh… that. Nah.”

This is that day of the year when everyone who is single becomes painfully aware of how single they are. They see the flowers, the hearts, the happy couples on dates, the chocolates, and suddenly they rush out to the bars, they log on to the dating sites, they whip out their phones and start dialing, and they seek out anyone to fill that void of loneliness — if only for one day so they have the right to say, “I wasn’t alone on Valentines Day!”

That neediness is not really helping us, is it? The only people who seem to benefit from those gaping voids in ourselves are the chocolate stores, the flower shops, the jewelry stores, and everything else that people consume on this day.

Even when we manage to “get lucky” and land ourselves a new girlfriend to fill that void, it’s only covering up an issue that will keep coming up: we feel incomplete without a woman.

I’ve watched many of my friends go through life rebounding back and forth from relationships, and whenever they’re single they’re the most insecure and depressed people I’ve ever met. They can’t talk to girls the way they used to when they were in a relationship because all that extra confidence they got from having a girlfriend is gone. Until they get back into another relationship, they’re just a shadow of the people they’re capable of being.

The worst is when a guy gets out of a unhealthy relationship, then jumps right back in because the prospect of being single just isn’t as appealing as being in a relationship, even an unhealthy one.

So where do we go from being single? Should we start “slaying a few dragons to get to the princess”? That’s one way to go about it, but I prefer not to venture down battletoad lane just for the sake of not being single.

What I’d like to propose is going to make everyone of you “WTF!” right out loud, but if you are willing to take this leap it could bring you to a level of fulfillment and wholeness that will enrich every interaction you have: stay right where you are.

Before you close the browser and condemn me forever, hear me out:

When you learn to be happy being single, you won’t be going into a relationship looking for someone else to fill the void in your life (and typically that person is also incomplete and looking for you to cover up their misery). Instead, you’ll meet new people and be able to give out good energy instead of relying on others for it.

Maybe you can go running with the bulls, travel across the world, learn fencing or write a book. Work on yourself and take some time off to grow as a person.

If you rely on having a woman before you can grow as a person, the fate of your personal evolution lies in the hands of things outside your control. Take that control back. When you follow your purpose (and as David Deida says, “No woman should keep you from your purpose” (loosely paraphrased)), you’ll grow as a person and become more and more attractive.

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